Teen pregnancy! Yes, that’s right. Even Britney’s younger sister Jamie Lynn is now pregnant. She’s 16. And according to CNN, teen births are up for the first time in 15 years.

ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) — In a troubling reversal, the nation’s teen birth rate rose for the first time in 15 years, surprising government health officials and reviving the bitter debate about abstinence-only sex education.

I called it! Teenage skanks are getting knocked up left and right everywhere, even here in my very own town. That’s nothing entirely new, but when entire groups of friends do it, something isn’t right. It’s like they’re competing. None of them do it on “purpose” of course. Because it’s really hard to remember to take that birth control, especially if it’s on your body in the form of a fucking patch.

It’s sad that these girls are so desperate for approval and that they so desperately want to feel like a “grown up” that they’ll go out of their way to bring helpless new lives into the world. Their own little Cabbage Patch Dolls. All so they can say, “I’m an adult too, mom! Just watch, I’m going to grow something in my uterus! That will show you!”

Like most fads, there’s not much you can do. In this case it’s mostly up to the girls. Men/boys are horny, fact one. Fact two, no man I’ve known wants to wear a condom if he has the safe choice of not using one, and twisted little girls with daddy issues aren’t going to cough up the information that they actually stopped taking their pills or stopped wearing their patch. So there you go.

The only difference about this fad is that it is actually going to affect Earth’s population, which is a scary thought, because Earth should be vomiting us up with chunks of bile as is. 5 babies a second and growing… tick tock, tick tock.

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One of the more straight forward and literate spam messages I’ve ever received. Bravo, spammer, whoever you may be.

These Angels Are Dicks!

November 18, 2007

Seriously. I think even the Nazis at Auschwitz were a little kinder about throwing people into fiery pits of sorrow. Assholes!

Thanks to the douchebags at GodTube for this one.

Bush Visits Iraq Veterans

November 13, 2007

He’s such a sweet man. He must have unimaginable words of encouragement; such deep, thoughtful, soul chilling words of wisdom.

bushvisits.jpg

Oh. 😦

Business Hours

September 20, 2007

I got a temp job entering data. That’s what the job was supposed to be anyway. What it really entails is entering data from papers into the computer, then filing those papers, then sending those papers (invoices) out as checks, and then filing them again… in a different set of drawers. It seemed easy and entertaining enough my first two weeks.

Eventually you realize every day is the same, add invoice, hit INSERT, type in invoice number, PO number, cost of invoice, any tax information, whether or not its considered a “job” or otherwise (which requires a specific 12 digit number which you must some times research), and continue.

By 9:30 every day I wish I had any other job than what I have. I’d rather suck the shit out of your septic tank then do what I do. I’d rather sit in a prison cell and read books. And that’s sad, because I’ve had some pretty shitty jobs. I don’t know if it’s the anti-depressants or simply the job itself — I’m betting it’s the job — but every day, even after two cups of coffee, I start to get confused, and I feel like I want to fall asleep. Kind of like riding in a car for 4 hours and staring at bullshit scenery. You start to nod. Then you startle and wake up. Then you nod. Rinse and repeat. But do that for nearly 4 hours. The other 4 hours you’re actually doing the repetitive tasks you’re asked to do.

I’m happy I’m working and I’m happy I have a job. It’s why I get up at 6:00 or so and go to it every day. But you know what? It sucks ass. I even wrote something about it on a sticky note while no one was watching whether or not I was being “productive”. I can’t let my guard down. It is this:

Styrofoam bleeding coffee through cracks
Nodding off for millisecond naps that startle
more than rest.
False light that turns
reality into a slow, horrible blur.
Old men shouting obescenties at speaker phones.
Is it lunch yet?
I should have gone to college.

Thank you.

This is what happens…

August 2, 2007

… when you have 1.3 BILLION people in your country. When lightning strikes, it can’t find the ground without passing through someone first.

 Lightning killed almost 150 people last month across China, the highest number since records began in 2000, a state body has said.

According to the China Meteorological Administration (CMA), 141 people died in lightning strikes in July.

China’s top meteorological official blamed global warming for the extreme seasonal weather.

More than 700 people have died in floods in central China, while millions of others have been hit by drought.