May 23, 2007

Everyone has their own addictions. It’s simple and it’s true. One addiction we all have in common is sex. Most of us, anyway.

I’ve often wondered what the interest is in reproducing; what makes the human race keep on going — aside from the obvious orgasmic qualities involved in sex? What else is there? Why do some parents obsess and devote so much time to their children, why do they make their children their lives?

Well, I finally found out. I’m not bright enough to just imagine, mind you, it took the creation of a child of my own.

I can tell you all that I know:


I look at her and I can’t stop looking. She is truly beautiful.

I know that she relies, mainly, on me and her mother for support. We gave her life and we must sustain that life as long as we can. She depends on us, truly. She is a beautiful, helpless little being.

Instinct. I don’t know where instinct started, but it did. It was long ago, that’s all I know, back when men probably just clubbed the shit out of women to mate with them. This was only confirmed by my mother’s revelation that, when nursing women hear a baby cry in public, their breasts leak milk automatically. Did you know this, men? I did not. But everything, in the end, is instinct. We’re all human, however, so we get to enjoy it. That’s one thing I have learned about life, after 23 years and many bottles of prescription pills. You have to enjoy the experience of life itself. The ups, the downs, and especially the god damn UPS. Kendall would agree. You’re ALIVE. You feel, what else is there? Life.

And lastly, the thing I truly love about being a father is that, I always have something to look forward to. I look forward to every second I have with this little girl who knows nothing about this new, fucked up world. I want to teach her and I want to make her into what I think is a good human being. I want to introduce her to all kinds of music. I want to show her classic movies and eat pop corn with her. I want to hold her in my arms and know that she is truly a part of me and someone that I love (because try as I might, I will always love the woman that bore my child). In the end, it’s hard to explain, and I sound like one soft son of a bitch, but nothing matters more than family. That’s what I’ve been taught by my parents and it’s all I know. Instinct… I can’t deny you any more.

One Response to “Ella”

  1. Cherrie Says:

    Funny how a child changes your perspective on just about everything. She is beautiful! Congrats!

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