Dear Spring-Breakers,

March 11, 2007

A) Fuck off (leave your women here)

B) I stood on my sister’s balcony and watched you frolic on the beach for roughly 20 minutes today with the cool Panama City Beach breeze softly blowing through my hair, and I saw nothing that would call for a “YEAH! WHOO!” and yet I think I heard about 10 of them. I understand verbal expressions of joy, given the circumstances call for one. I can’t say I understand them when they’re done randomly while standing on the beach. Or on the side of the road as cars drive past. So before you fuck off, shut the fuck up and drink your beer.


I’ll keep some dolla-dolla bills handy in case I get the cute pizza girl