Gift Certificates

October 28, 2006

Does anyone honestly like to receive gift certificates for Christmas or their Birthday? Sure, it’s the thought that counts, and of course you like having something to spend, but when you think about it, isn’t it just sort of like giving somebody money with a contractual obligation to shop at one specific store? That’s fucked up to me. It’s almost as quick and easy as cash: go to the ATM or to Target, put it in an envelope, send it, and they both buy you whatever you want. But from different stores. The difference is that when someone asks you what you want for Christmas, it’s so much easier to say “oh just get me a gift card from Wal-Mart” instead of “Oh, just give me cash so I can buy drugs and booze and porn.”

You know it’s true. You heathen.

I have my own style when it comes to gifts: I either give them or I don’t. It’s either worth the effort or it isn’t, so come your next birthday when you receive jack shit from me, it’s probably because I couldn’t think of anything you didn’t already have. So hey, you’re set and ready to rock. Think of it that way. You’ve got it all, baby, unless I give it to you.

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One Response to “Gift Certificates”

  1. DBW Says:

    Ok, so you asked me what I want for Christmas… I want a gift certificate. 🙂


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