Jonathan says:
i’m drunk
Jonathan says:
still
Jonathan says:
i just ate beef stew in the shower
Jonathan says:
whiel sitting
Jonathan says:
and standing
drew says:
did you alternate between sitting and standing with the stew?
Jonathan says:
kinda yeah im hungover
Jonathan says:
i try to be comfortable
Jonathan says:
and full

Dear KCSOFTLLC,

Fuck you.

Sincerely,

Drew

I logged in to check my bank account on the 24th to find that I had a charge to my card for $9.95 from a KCSOFTLLC COM. It was a POS withdrawal from Rochester, New York. I haven’t spent 9 bucks on anything in the past few days, so it was pretty obvious to me right then and there that something was askew. I contacted my bank about the unauthorized charge and was told I had to fill out an affidavit, which meant I had to take time to run over there today and fill out the paperwork and to put a hold on my card. Now I get to wait two weeks for another card… all of this lest I receive more fraudulent charges to my account. Beautiful! How they got my card info, I don’t know. I’ve never been naive enough to fall for a phishing e-mail, so in all likelihood they simply hacked into Amazon, Paypal, or any other “online merchant” I’ve used my card on, and stole my information. I’ll not be using my debit card for online purchases any more, to say the least (stupid me).

Here’s the interesting part: I did a search for the company name once I saw the charge and came up with all sorts of results on Google, from all sorts of people complaining about the same charge, dating back several years. The charge is so low that credit companies and banks will not go after the people doing this — it just isn’t worth it, so the scammers keep on doing it and they keep on making money.

Then I found something that made me laugh. Seems the Democrats can’t unite to to achieve anything these days, including balancing their checkbooks. One of the Google search results was from a website detailing the Democratic Party expenditures for 2006. It lists all the money they’ve spent and who they’ve purchased things from. Well, guess who is on their bill as well? KCSOFTLLC for $9, and the reason for the charge is “Wire Services On Line Svcs”. Yeah, I bet. On line services. Hey, Senator Kerry! Get your men to check their credit card bills! You’ve been had… and this time it wasn’t the American voters that screwed you. Hee.

Oh, and lay off the sub sandwiches, guys. $283 on Quizno’s and $1,000 at Subway? Truly un-American! Try some cheese burgers and Freedom Fries for once, ya damn commies! (Could be worse; if you look at the Republican expenditures you’ll find very little spent on food. My guess is they just feed their supporters human babies. Poor people’s babies. You heard it here first.)

ALLAHUAKBAR! Is it a good thing or a bad thing that “Chicken lays mystery Allah egg” is one of the “Most Viewed Articles” on Reuters right now? I’m not sure if that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard, or if it’s proof of a significant decline in news media and in our world in general. I’ll go with the first.

ALMATY (Reuters) – A chicken in a Kazakh village has laid an egg with the word “Allah” inscribed on its shell, state media reported Thursday.
“Our mosque confirmed that it says ‘Allah’ in Arabic,” Bites Amantayeva, a farmer from the village of Stepnoi in eastern Kazakhstan, told state news agency Kazinform.
“We’ll keep this egg and we don’t think it’ll go bad.”
The news agency said the egg was laid just after a powerful hail storm hit the village.
Kazakhstan is a large, thinly populated Central Asian state where Sunni Islam is a dominant religion.

And rather than comment on it, I’ll just paste the IM conversation I had with Mark, which was funnier anyway:
drew says:
ALMATY (Reuters) – A chicken in a Kazakh village has laid an egg with the word “Allah” inscribed on its shell, state media reported Thursday.
drew says:
ALLAH IS IN AN EGG
Mark says:
wow
Mark says:
scrambled allah!
drew says:
“We’ll keep this egg and we don’t think it’ll go bad.”
Mark says:
poached allah
drew says:
even allah has an expiration date, folks
drew says:
just make sure theres plenty of cheese and pepper on my allah
Mark says:
allah is shy, when will he come out of his shell?
drew says:
hyahahhahaah
drew says:
agh, got me to choke on that one
drew says:
i was going to name my post about allah “ALLAH UP!”
drew says:
like order up
drew says:
but i don’t think anyone would get that
drew says:
sigh
Mark says:
Allah Side Up
Mark says:
Allah High In Cholesterol
drew says:
if you’re trying to gain muscle mass, is it true or false that eating raw allah will bulk you up?
drew says:
i’ve seen people do it

Dear FIFA World Cup players,

You are not being payed 20 mil a year for your acting skills. You are not Pierce Brosnan. When you are fouled, please don’t roll around on the ground dramatically like someone kicked you in the vagina. You look like a bitch and I lose respect for the game and the players each time I see it happen.

People wonder why soccer isn’t as popular in America yet. Well, as much as I respect the game, I can’t sit down to watch a match without throwing my hands in the air and screaming “GROW A PAIR!” at my television. Crying like a child should not be a part of any athletic endeavor. It should not be encouraged. The referee isn’t there to kiss it and make it better.

Flail around on the turf all you want in your “professional football club” games with your locals cheering you on (people who might forgive you for being a weakling), but when you’re at the World Cup playing in front of the world, you could try and act like a man for once. Give it a shot, you may like it! There’s honor, integrity… gritting your teeth in pain rather than spazming like a twat and pretending someone shot you in the leg with a Dirty Harry Magnum. That kinda stuff!

Just get up and play, I promise you’ll be OK. There’s a lollipop waiting for you in the locker room if it doesn’t work out. 😉

I think that’s about it.

Oh, and team USA — fire your players. It’s embarrassing. Really.