Order Up

April 23, 2006

Just watched Waiting… tonight. Not bad. Haven’t been a huge fan of that Reynolds dude in the past, but he can be funny. I think if you’ve worked in a restaurant or have ever witnessed the things that go on in the back, some of movie is really like déjà vu. The thing I identified with the most, aside from occasionally being a shy pisser, was the kid’s dead-on rant at the end. “So you’re the coolest guy at ShenaniganZ, big fucking deal! That’s like being the smartest person with Down Syndrome!” Exactly. It sums all of it up. The writer won me over with that spiel, because if I was in that movie I would be the guy off camera hating just about everyone else there.

For instance, I was looking at the IMDB message board real quick and noticed someone mentioned that cooks always seem to be on weird, assholey power trips. This is true, at least from my experience. They definitely seemed to think they were above everyone else they were working with, like they were in bed with the managers. Like they were all Tom Cruise in Top Gun or something, afflicted with arrogant pilot syndrome.

There’s a silly hierarchy to everything; the dish crew consisting of losers, 16 year old boys, or someone who has likely been to jail or is going to be, then up a notch to the back-up cooks making side dishes because they aren’t yet ready to wear the big boy “cook” pants, the servers who are all either bitchy old women who scream about tips or young, dramatic, just-graduated kids who are like, SO gonna go out tonight and get high after work anybody wanna come??, then there are the whorish hostesses, and the cooks who giveth and taketh away. The managers don’t count because they’re a fucking joke.

Take your typical high school social structure with the same adolescent crap and just picture it in a kitchen, cause that’s where half of the staff was before work. Gossiping and pettiness, unncessarry drama, the self anointed King Shits, it’s all there. I didn’t go to high school, but I’d say my short stint in the food industry was enough to fill me in on everything I missed. Which was absolutely nothing, and precisely why I didn’t go. I suppose the only way it gets you ready for the dreaded “real world” is the initiation into that special structure which you will actually find everywhere in life, whether it be in the military or the corporate ladder. Someone always gets the shaft, but that’s ok if they’re at the bottom of the rung.

PS – the 5 second rule is in effect during rush, and in effect all the time if you’re just plain lazy. I can’t say I’ve ever seen a cook pick up dropped food, but I wouldn’t doubt it. Who is seriously going to go back and clean a dropped spatula or pan or make the food again when people are literally screaming at you for this or that? God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt, I guess. Besides, nothing really gets cleaned in the dishwasher, it just gets rinsed off (hot water and a little soap doesn’t count to me). Just like cockroaches or hair in food happens and it is very possible someone just plain didn’t wash their hands before starting work or after using the restroom. Everybody knows that.

They also love to cut down on costs by any means at those places, so if there’s something that can be reused that’s already been reheated for a few days, it’s going into some other dish where you hopefully won’t notice the difference.

And don’t leave Church Pamphlets with your tips.

Angsty McAngst signing off —

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3 Responses to “Order Up”

  1. Michael Says:

    Can’t believe you never mentioned the scrotum-showing game. It’s by far the best part. Dick and fart jokes, you know…

  2. Matt Says:

    Cracker barrel, more like cracka barrel.

    I can’t say I miss out on the experience of working at a restaurant. Although I do miss the whole being balls deep in a high school girl angle.

    I must say, when I go to a restaurant, I try to make my intentions clear early on. Be as polite as possible to the staff, drink as much as possible before I actually eat and be drunk when the food arrives.

  3. Drew Says:

    The genitalia displaying was funny, but I swear I’ve heard of something like that before. So it wasn’t one of those things that caught me off guard with unexpected hilarity or anything. And yet I can’t remember where I heard about it


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