Since 75% of my posts are about the imbibing of alcohol anyway, I figured I might as well post this link to old Alcoholics Anonymous comic strips from the 60’s for everyone to enjoy. Click here to watch a cartoon housewife hide bottles of liquor behind her couch!


Thanks for the link, Matt

Order Up

April 23, 2006

Just watched Waiting… tonight. Not bad. Haven’t been a huge fan of that Reynolds dude in the past, but he can be funny. I think if you’ve worked in a restaurant or have ever witnessed the things that go on in the back, some of movie is really like déjà vu. The thing I identified with the most, aside from occasionally being a shy pisser, was the kid’s dead-on rant at the end. “So you’re the coolest guy at ShenaniganZ, big fucking deal! That’s like being the smartest person with Down Syndrome!” Exactly. It sums all of it up. The writer won me over with that spiel, because if I was in that movie I would be the guy off camera hating just about everyone else there.

For instance, I was looking at the IMDB message board real quick and noticed someone mentioned that cooks always seem to be on weird, assholey power trips. This is true, at least from my experience. They definitely seemed to think they were above everyone else they were working with, like they were in bed with the managers. Like they were all Tom Cruise in Top Gun or something, afflicted with arrogant pilot syndrome.

There’s a silly hierarchy to everything; the dish crew consisting of losers, 16 year old boys, or someone who has likely been to jail or is going to be, then up a notch to the back-up cooks making side dishes because they aren’t yet ready to wear the big boy “cook” pants, the servers who are all either bitchy old women who scream about tips or young, dramatic, just-graduated kids who are like, SO gonna go out tonight and get high after work anybody wanna come??, then there are the whorish hostesses, and the cooks who giveth and taketh away. The managers don’t count because they’re a fucking joke.

Take your typical high school social structure with the same adolescent crap and just picture it in a kitchen, cause that’s where half of the staff was before work. Gossiping and pettiness, unncessarry drama, the self anointed King Shits, it’s all there. I didn’t go to high school, but I’d say my short stint in the food industry was enough to fill me in on everything I missed. Which was absolutely nothing, and precisely why I didn’t go. I suppose the only way it gets you ready for the dreaded “real world” is the initiation into that special structure which you will actually find everywhere in life, whether it be in the military or the corporate ladder. Someone always gets the shaft, but that’s ok if they’re at the bottom of the rung.

PS – the 5 second rule is in effect during rush, and in effect all the time if you’re just plain lazy. I can’t say I’ve ever seen a cook pick up dropped food, but I wouldn’t doubt it. Who is seriously going to go back and clean a dropped spatula or pan or make the food again when people are literally screaming at you for this or that? God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt, I guess. Besides, nothing really gets cleaned in the dishwasher, it just gets rinsed off (hot water and a little soap doesn’t count to me). Just like cockroaches or hair in food happens and it is very possible someone just plain didn’t wash their hands before starting work or after using the restroom. Everybody knows that.

They also love to cut down on costs by any means at those places, so if there’s something that can be reused that’s already been reheated for a few days, it’s going into some other dish where you hopefully won’t notice the difference.

And don’t leave Church Pamphlets with your tips.

Angsty McAngst signing off —

Jesus Teeth and HD Porn

April 21, 2006

Thanks to our stupid baboon ancestors of many years past, most humans are cursed with “Wisdom Teeth” — or as the devout Christians out there might like to call them — “Jesus Teeth”. These Jesus Teeth are growing in my mouth at an angle which is unhelpful. I don’t have nice teeth as it is, I’m like second in line behind Shane MacGowan for worst teeth ever, so I’ve been told it’s time to get them out. This means being knocked out for an hour while a crew of people hold my mouth agape and then rip into it. Then they’ll sew up my little ouchies and I’ll stumble out the door drooling on myself. A few days of pain, bleeding, and eating soup after having my head hacked into can’t be that bad can it?

There is a bright side to all of this, of course. After the barbaric practice to remove my Jesus Teeth, I will receive a bottle of Percocet. I love how doctors prescribe way more medicine then you need in cases like this. It’s their way of saying “This is gonna suck a lot, dude. Here’s some extra candy to have fun with. Go wild.” Thanks doctor! I think after all is said and done and I’m lying in my room sky high on painkillers several weeks after my mouth has healed, I’ll know that I made the right decision.

In other news, imagine my disappointment tonight when, while flipping around through HIGH DEFINITION programming, I found a show entitled “Taco Eating” … only to discover that it was actually about taco eating. Like, Taco Bell tacos. Not the metaphorical taco. Yeah, I know. Seriously, where is the HD porn hiding? That’s why HD TVs were made, right? For HD porn. So I can see so far into vaginas that I can see koalas eating shrimp on the barbie and Chinamen doing, you know, Chinamen stuff. And yet there’s none to be found. Somebody get on it, stat!

I’m so excited

April 11, 2006

Man, things sure are boring lately. Life just keeps chugging down the line on its own steam and I’m the disinterested passenger in tow. I need something to mix things up… a trip or a new addiction or something. I woke up and tried two cups of coffee to give me a boost and clear my head, but now I’m just disinterested and twitchy.

Suppose finding a second job couldn’t hurt. Maybe I can get another manual labor position where I’m forced to listen to Puerto Rican raggae while things fly past me on a conveyor (shoot me now).

I need some inspiration, that’s all. Something that makes every day worth it.

Speaking of inspiration, I watched a show today about the making of Saved By The Bell and it made me wish those kids were still around to tackle problems and lead the youth of today from their strayed path. So many troubling issues they could take on today, too. Internet predators, MySpace quarrels (“Slater, why am I not in your top 8?”), somebody could break somebody’s iPod accidentally and not tell them about it and then feel guilty and then come clean at the end of the episode…

I wish they were here for me now.

For instance, here’s a clip from an episode where together, through their friendship, they defeat drugs. Jessie is addicted not to coke, not oxycontin, not booze, but yes, you guessed it: caffeine pills. It takes power to shake that caffeine grip. She’s lucky she had the SBTB crew there to do it.

Forget the Moon

April 7, 2006

Oh yes, Natural Ice. The high quality stuff. You can’t tell me these people don’t put some pride into their work. Beer that tastes like piss, AND shitty bottle design to boot.

It’s ok, though. By the end of the night everything will look upside down to me anyway.

On to the headlines of the day:

Alcohol cloud is 463 billion kilometres long
PARIS (AFP) – Astronomers say they have spotted a cloud of alcohol in deep space that measures 463 billion kilometres (288 billion miles) across, a finding that could shed light on how giant stars are formed from primordial gas.

In other news, I have built my own rocket ship and will bid all of you suckers adieu.

Football 06

April 6, 2006

Somewhere, as I type this, John Madden is stockpiling hotdogs in preparation for the coming season, Terrell Owens is memorizing his touchdown dance moves, and more importantly, the shit he’ll talk into the cameras about the Eagles, Peyton Manning is sobbing into a bright orange, snot-stained UT pillow about how the pressure is just too much to handle, and Joe Namath is choosing his drink of choice so that he can get shitfaced and harrass Suzy Colbert. It’s all coming together. For it is April now, when the draft hype starts up and the schedules are revealed for all to gaze upon. Man-children everywhere are fidgetting in their seats, wondering if EA’s Madden NFL 07 will be as lame as the last one. Yes, oh yes, it’s the birthing of a new NFL season. Pertinent links are below.

Highlights? Note that one of the first games of the season looks to be Manning vs Manning. That will undoubtedly be worth watching if not just to see how much they suck in comparison to each other. Maybe one of them can choke again and hold back his tears for us in HIGH DEFINITION. That will be awesome. Better yet, zoom in on their parents faces in the stands so we can see how disappointed they are! I can’t wait.

The Louisiana Superdome, the one that was full of evacuees and torn to shreds during Katrina, will be put back to use by the Saints. How’d they get that repaired so quickly? The Saints also have ex-Chargers Drew Brees, who is likely to kick all kinds of ass. Worth watching.

The Cowboys will be playing The Eagles on Oct. 8. The Cowboys “acquired” (or have been infected with the disease that is) Terrel Owens, so that is a must-see.

The Titans, my team of choice, are also making some vital roster changes, so keep an eye on them (if you can’t find them, they’re probably at the Superbowl, biotch). They’re now McNairless, for better or worse. I can’t say I like the way they’re making the changes (see the article where they kicked McNair out of training), but change was needed. So long as they keep Drew Bennett…

On with the list.
NFL Europe games are now broadcast over here in the US on the NFL network, if you get it.

Draft info, which is also shown live on the NFL channel for 16+ hours.
29th/30th of this month.

Televised NFL schedule for 2006.

Pre-season televised NFL schedule.