Gmail Spam and Website Hits

October 2, 2005

Lately I’ve been receiving massive amounts of spam in my e-mail account. I use the Gmail address for correspondence with friends or for signing up on respectable websites only (I use an alternate account for the japscat porn I so rabidly devour), so I haven’t had any reason to get bombarded up until now. I wonder if these spammers just add random names to their lists and hope to get some hits. That’s not all that confuses me, however. 100% of the stuff I’m getting now is porn related, and I’ve noticed that a few of the messages use pretty weird phrases and tactics that just leave me baffled, not horny and aching for relief. I mean, have you ever actually looked at the things?

From: Malinda Ryan
Subject: Sex with deadly drunk girl
A large white woman doing a black guy from Zaebun
Christina is piledrived upsidedown and jizzed
Asian Teen In Glasses Giving Blowjob

And just today a mail alert popped up informing me that there was a skateboarder masturbating in the garage.


Deviant skateboarders and their chronic masturbation – when will they leave our garages alone?The better question is, who are these spammers trying to attract? E-mails like those above often lead me to question if such specific fetishes actually exist and whether or not there is a large market for them. Could Zaebun be a small African village known for its pornographer tribesmen? Could someone, somewhere want to jerk off to skateboarder porn – and nothing less?

I envision a man returning home after a long day of work to sit down in front of his PC. He must find Zaebunese porn to dull the sharp images bouncing around in his head, slicing his logic…and he must do it quickly. Sweat pours from his temples as he frantically punches letters into the Google search box. Will he find what he’s looking for? Maybe he can find the Zaebunese men and women, but what about the fat white tourists on the receiving end of these 12 inch python cocks? That could prove to be difficult. His only other option is to appease his back-up fetish, dousing it with ample amounts of Tony Hawk genitalia. And what about Christina being piledrived upside down? What kind of desperate search will that pervert have to conduct into the early morning hours to asuage his thirst? One might call it futile. If only he would check his mailbox…

While I’m ranting about weird people on the internet, I should note that I’ve also been looking into where some of the hits to my site originate from… and I’ve discovered strange things there as well. To make it clear, people will type something into a search engine, find my webpage, and statistics will tell me what words they used for the search. Here are a few odd examples:

I was a little pissed off when I found this link to my site.
This is the second time someone has found it by looking for grotesque porn. Last time it had something to do with incestuous relationships. My website doesn’t even have these search words in order, so I suspect that the man doing the search was ravenous for some horse dick sucking and settled on clicking every webpage on the list. No doubt there were thousands. Dedication, if I’ve ever seen it!

fix hole punched in door
Could it be related to the horse dick?

I…well, I don’t know. Norwegians, what’re you gonna do?

I’m honored!

Somebody wanted to see your tits but found mine instead.
I hope they weren’t disappointed.

An admirer of art? Yeah.

A worthy search.

2 Responses to “Gmail Spam and Website Hits”

  1. Mark Says:

    I’m still getting found for ‘jugfuck’. I don’t even know what a jugfuck is.

  2. Drew Says:

    I think if all of this leaves us puzzled so easily it must mean that we’re just not cut out to be creepy internet perverts / sexual deviants. We just don’t have the imagination.

    Anyway, I’m happy it’s still women that turn me on and not jugfucking(?) or horsedicksucking. I can only imagine the hits I’m going to receive after this post. ugh.

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