War and Pancakes

August 4, 2005

I ate at a Denny’s yesterday. A Denny’s. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve made a pilgrimage to that beautiful place with its beautiful, laminated menus filled with beautiful, cholosterol-laden foods? Years.

Denny’s holds a special place in my heart because of the memories, and also because I’m fat. When I was young and was vacationing in Florida, Denny’s was always a stop, and it was always good. For $6 you can order more breakfast food than you know what to do with. You could make a family of Somalians asphyxiate on their own buttery pancake vomit and still have an omelet and hashbrowns left for yourself. And some toast. God damn Grand Slam brings a tear to my eye. I really wish there was a Denny’s in my town. I would eat there every day and become so morbidly obese that I would have to use a motor scooter to get there. I would wear Nike Pumps and jogging shorts along with a large mesh tank top and I would be feared by many a man.

Alas, that was mostly the highlight of that road trip, aside from seeing my relatives. Given you don’t have to drive, the occasional 6 hour journey can be a fun thing. You get to sit and listen to each of your CDs at least 5 times whereupon you get sick of them, your ass flattens completely, you doze off like a heroin addict and then wake up angry that you fell asleep, tell yourself it won’t happen again, then doze off again, etc. Ah, the road. It’s nice to get that out of your system every once and a while.

And now, completely unrelated to stuffing yourself like a pig bastard or road trips, here’s a neat military blog written by some guy named Michael Yon: http://www.michaelyon.blogspot.com/.

46 Marines have died in the past two weeks in Iraq, so there’s still plenty going on over there, for better or worse. This blog in particular interests me, because Mr. Yon tells you what it’s like to be a journalist/soldier on the ground in Iraq and you get your news from a reliable source instead of from some shitty reporter on TV. If you read his entry from today, August 4th ’05, you’ll find four pictures showing insurgents riding through a roadblock past US troops, US troops chasing and opening fire on the insurgents, and the insurgents’ vehicle plowing into a wall after it was riddled with bullets – all from 10 or so feet away. That Yon fellow seems to be right in the thick of it a lot of the time. Good on you, Yon, and the writing ain’t bad either.

And that brings me to that new TV show, Over There. I don’t really like it, and that’s coming from me, the big warmonger. I keep hearing about how “realistic” of a portrayal it is, and that makes me unhappy, because it’s anything but, from what I’ve seen. I don’t know any squad leader who would stand up and run at a fortified enemy position with only 10 or so men to support him while yelling things like, “We didn’t come here for your oil, we came here to kick your ass!” and shouting stuff to his squadmates like “Hey Angel, why don’t you sing us a song?” Why don’t you get off of my FX and give me some more King of the Hill or Rescue Me instead? Enough of that noise

3 Responses to “War and Pancakes”

  1. Mark Says:

    Man, one of the few reasons I want to go to the states is to get me some Denny’s! Your country is a Valhalla for fat bastards everywhere.

  2. DBW Says:

    I really hate to do this, I really do, but….. Dennys is overrated. I go there far too often, with too many people who think that Dennys is the mecca of breakfast. Its decent… at best, but far from the top of my list. If I had to choose one place to go, it would be Family House Of Pancakes. It sucks to be you cuz you dont have one of them. Its a local place and it serves way too much food for the price they charge. No, way too much food… period.
    My regular breakfast is a green chile omelette thats bigger than a burrito, and it comes with a jar of fresh salsa. That in itself would fill most peoiple up, but no, they dont stop there. Each breakfast plate also comes with your choice of 2 side orders. Me, I get a bowl of fresh fruit – a whole bowl – and three HUGE pancakes. The pancakes themselves are bigger than any breakfast at Dennys and here, theyre a “side” order.
    You know my appetite, you know I can eat way more than I should be able to, yet Ive never once finished a breakfast from there. Its just not possible. And the price? Seven dollars.
    Keep your Dennys and enjoy it while you can, but the next time youre out here, breakfast is on me and youll never look at Dennys with such fondness again.

  3. Drew Says:

    You San Diegans would put salsa on a perfectly good omelet, wouldn’t you? Aside from that, I’m looking forward to it

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