It’s getting hot in here

July 26, 2005

Once again, Sam feeds me the worthwhile links. And when I mean worthwhile, I mean:

Policeman from Village People arrested by real police on gun, drug charges

Traces of cocaine and other paraphernalia were also found [in] his home at a mobile home park in Daly City

I picture the Policeman lying around in his trailer in leather, snorting huge mounds of cocaine off of an old TV Guide with Tony Danza on the cover. And a single tear rolls down my cheek.

In other news, it is estimated that I ate 1 million Kettle potato chips last night while extremely drunk. Also, it is hot as fuck in Florida and I’m getting sick of it. The humidity and the amount of ball-sticking-to-leg action has really been cranked up by some angry god. No doubt Poseidon himself had something to do with all of this. I’m surprised that space shuttle managed to even take off, what with Florida sucking so god damn bad. And you can quote me on that.

Something totally unrelated for me to rant on now: Comedy Central needs to stop the shitty programming. First off, why is Mad TV even in the line-up, and why is it in the line-up 4 times a day? It sucks every single time it’s on. Take it off. Secondly, why is Pamela Anderson having a roast? She’s a washed up old bimbo with huge, fake tits. I thought she was killed years ago as a result of guzzling too much of that crappy rockstar’s semen. Apparently not, and we’re all the worse for it.

Finally, to end this post, I present you famous last MSN words courtesy of Wes:

Wes says:
i hope when i come home drunk i don’t order more porn

and a Cockneyed version of Kotex’s Becoming A Woman. It just seemed like a good idea at the time.

Big Changes
Yor body is maturin’. Evolvin’. Preparin’ for the bleedin’ next stage of life. Yor transformin’ from a girl ter a bint. Can yer feel it, then, luv? The bloomin’ more yer know about ‘ow yor body works, the more comfortable yer’ll be wiv these changes. Knowledge is power and that’s a great feelin’ ter have.

Five Stages of Puberty
yor body totally changes yer change inside… yer change outside… until yor all done. Five overlappin’ stages. That’s one easy way ter divide the bloomin’ years that make up puberty. Remember, evry geezer grows at their own pace. Here’s an idea of wot ter expect.
At Stage One (ages 8 ter 11)
Same outside. Big changes inside. Yor ovaries are maturin’. Yor Michael Caine ‘as stimulated the chuffin’ release of ‘ormones that yer’ll need later for menstrual and baby-makin’ functions.

One Response to “It’s getting hot in here”

  1. Michael Says:

    Just a note that the fact that you coined the term ‘Burger Peasant’ is awesome.

    It’s a good name.

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