Mo’ money

June 15, 2005

After a look at my bank account, it appears I will not be buying crap-movies or subscriptions to Flickr’s any time soon if I want to have any cash left (good thing I cancelled Netflix). So, I’m trying to come up with ideas for money. I’ve sold most of my pantaloons on eBay, which puts me in an odd position. What’s left? I don’t have very many t-shirts. People don’t generally like used underwear, and those who do, I’m unwilling to sell mine to. There’s always the whole “getting a job” thing, but it’s tough convincing yourself to go through the trouble of lining up a job when you know you’re only going to be there for a month or two, long enough to get cash for a couple of plane tickets and meal money… subsequently ruining your record with your employer. That would mean no work in the future and no references on applications. Why would I bother getting a job that doesn’t suck only to quit it? And I don’t know of anybody who is going to give me 2 weeks to a month off any time I want it. I could easily head to Cracker Barrel and continue making $6.95/hour – they’d want me, and I don’t care if I leave and fuck them over. What isn’t easy is putting that uniform back on and going back to that steamy, greasy, god awful hell-hole when I know that there are other, less shitty places to work at.

I could put another 6 months in at another bad job and save up to travel or I could try to borrow and scrounge enough right now to take a couple trips before I have to start doing.. whatever it is I am going to start doing. That last part scares the shit out of me, because I expected to have decided upon a game plan on return from my trip to Ireland. The problem with that theory was the assumption that I was going to come back and decide on something productive; school or military or some other career path. It didn’t involve coming to the conclusion that hey, I actually enjoy traveling and drinking beer. Yes, I tell myself, what exactly is so wrong with enjoying your youth while you can and then working your ass off later when you have to?

My sensible side tells me that I’m being an ass right now and if I can’t get myself out of this apathetic spree, I might be scraping by in a few years with nothing to my name. The last thing I want to be is an ingrate and a leech to my parents who I’m lucky to have to support me… so if I have to, I will end up living in a roach infested apartment working at some place like Cracker Barrel…and what will I have to say? “Yeah, but, I had fun for a couple of years”? I met some genuinely good people at that crappy job who will have to work at places like that for the rest of their lives because they screwed up, or because scraping by is all they’ve known since birth. They’d call me a fucking fool.

Still, I can’t help it. I’d be one shitty soldier and student if I didn’t care one bit about what I was doing. And no matter how much you study or how much a drill instructor barks at you, if you don’t give a damn about something, you don’t. You’ll do just enough to get by and that isn’t good enough in the long run.

People work because they have to, of course, not because they want to – and that’s what I’ll end up doing. But putting years of work into college so I can get a job that doesn’t remotely interest me doesn’t appeal to me at all. What would I be working towards? Security? Life has always meant all or nothing to me. Stagnating and “dealing with it” so I have the premium cable package and a prefab house just doesn’t sound worth it. In summary: shitty shitty shit McShit.

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