Betty Ford, be my Valentine

February 14, 2005

Ah, Valentine’s Day. I assume most people are out with their loved ones tonight, going to dinner or spending the evening together, enjoying each other’s company, laughing jovially and making sweet, sweet love into the early morning hours.

I too spend the evening with my lover — a special evening. I’d just like to say that I’m proud that my loved one and I have been together for over 6 years now (fuck you, it’s got 92 calories), and we’re still going strong.

I love you, Beer. I just want you to know that. I hope you got the flowers I left you near the fridge. I want to make tonight special, beer. I want to make it the time of our lives. I’ll be waiting for you, love. Follow the rose pedals up the stairs…something special awaits you.


Update: Who is the dumb piece of shit that invented 7 ounce bottles? Tonight, in a fit of rage, I stormed into Publix and grabbed the closest six pack with a decent price, which happened to be Budweiser. 4 dollars! Wow, what a steal, I thought. Then I got home and realized I had baby bottles of beer sitting in front of me. And I wanted to kill someone. I fucking hate you, whoever you are. Know that.

2 Responses to “Betty Ford, be my Valentine”

  1. delmierda Says:

    Baby bottles? Didn’t know they existed. I’ve seen baby Coke bottles and cans, but not beer. It’s pretty dumb for beer, though. No one drinks beer and thinks, “It’s a good thing these bottles are smaller, or else I’d drink too much!”

    The crap people will buy…

  2. Josh Says:

    Baby-size bottles? I thought they made Smirnoff Ice and wine coolers for those kinds of drinkers.

    Meanwhile, I am in Europe, where we buy beer in 660 ml bottles–and the beer is, well, beer, not water. That’s more like it.

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