Love Bugs

September 11, 2004

Florida. What a place. When you don’t have hurricanes tearing shit up, you have old people trying to vote and…LOVE BUGS

Love Bugs seem to have multiplied into the tens of thousands down here. I can’t sit outside without a couple of them landing on me and going at it in the way only Love Bugs can. It’s like I’m a walking Motel 6. And let me tell you… nothing is worse than being sexually frustrated and walking out your door into a full blown orgy. Thousands of the things, going at it. It’s nature’s way of calling you a pussy and punching you in the eye. I failed Darwin’s puzzle.

If you don’t know what Love Bugs are, well, they’re these:
They’re ugly, but that’s not the first thought to hit your mind. It’s usually “those bugs are fucking, and they’re headed right for my face!” Actually, it’s on a rare occasion that you see a lone Love Bug. Should you find one floating your way, watch out, because it’s probably looking for something to have sex with. It’s what they do. They fly. They make sweet love. They are truly god’s creatures.

I’ve never looked close enough to see if they share the flying or if the male gets the workload or what, as our relationship is purely me smacking the shit out of them and cursing at them – but either way I’d say that it’s quite the acrobatic feat. They’re impressive insects, over all. They have no shame. They have no hives to retreat to, nor mounds or nests, they just fly around and fuck the living daylights out of each other, and that’s that.

You go, Love Bugs. You do your thing. Just do it in another state.

2 Responses to “Love Bugs”

  1. mitchell Says:

    oooh yes, just give’er!!!

  2. […] I have previously lamented the summertime invasion of the Plecia nearctica Hardy, or “love bug,” or “march fly,” or “two bugs fucking.” Well, it turns out last year was a relatively quiet one in comparison to the raucous party these fuckers are throwing this time around. They’re having huge orgies on my porch; they’re pressed against the doors, these little fornicators, and it is impossible to avoid them. Walking into my back yard at this point means that I will be pulled into their den of ill repute, and so I refuse to do so. Not only that, but vehicles in the area are being splattered with their love juices, which apparently ruins paint jobs: Wikipedia says, Its character as a public nuisance is due not to its bite or sting (as it is not capable of either) but to its apparently highly acidic body chemistry. Because airborne mating love bugs are drawn in enormous numbers to roadways, they die in enormous numbers on automobile windshields, hoods, and radiator grills. If left for more than an hour or two, the remains become dried and extremely difficult to remove, and their acidity pits and etches the paint and chrome. Scrubbing deceased love bugs off the front of one’s car immediately after the evening rush hour is a twice-yearly ritual for commuters in the Gulf South. […]

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