Man wins lottery; hit by car

January 25, 2004

Stuff’s be happenin!

NASA has sent out Mars rovers, which are by now galavanting over the beautiful martian countryside taking pictures of rocks and dirt. Soon they will be on the hunt for …more rocks and dirt. But hey, maybe we’ll find something. Extinct life? Bacteria life? Rocks and dirt?!

It’s sad when you think about it, though – we can round up tons of money to invade the barren, desert-like country of Iraq to kill and “restore order”, but we have a hard time getting money to search barren, desert-like PLANETS which might house important scientific knowledge that really could change our lives FOREVER. I’m surprised we’re still bothering. Remember kids, it’s not fun or worthwhile unless somebody dies.

Back on this shitty planet, there’s Bill Gates, who is apparently going to be knighted:

The Sunday Observer newspaper says a formal announcement on the knighthood for the world’s richest businessman is expected to be made tomorrow.

Maybe I missed something, but I was pretty sure that knighting was an exclusively useless and boring British thing. What’s the point in being a knight of another country? Or being a knight at all? You don’t get a sword or even even a trusty steed. Sounds a like a rip off to me

Either way, I guess that’s the last last straw for Australians, because a poll shows many people want to drop the whole queen thing:

The poll of 1,200 people, published in the Sunday Telegraph tabloid, showed 64 percent want an Australian as their head of state and only 30 percent want to keep Queen Elizabeth II.

WHICH MEANS… her majesty must now send in her DEADLY ROYAL KNIGHTS who will regain control of the country with their knowledge on computer operating systems, arts, and film!!! None shall pass!

Then there are the cars that run on air:

He says that no fuel is necessary to power the car that can travel at speeds close to 70-miles-per-hour. It’s a whole lot of fresh air, driving an engine that Negre says is zero-polluting.

Which is going to be awesome and extremely convenient since we will soon have no clean air left!!

Next is the guy who ate nothing but mcdonalds for a month and became violently ill:

His liver became toxic, his cholesterol shot up from a low 165 to 230, his libido flagged and he suffered headaches and depression.

That’s sort of interesting/terrifying in a “Whopper vs my liver and penis” kind of way.

Last but not least, there’s the guy who won the lottery and then got hit by a car. That is, of course, after he vowed to buy a new car with his money:

Carl D Atwood, aged 73, said on the show: “I am very thankful. I must admit that I never expected to be leaving the show with this amount of money. Now I can purchase a very nice car.” Hours later, Atwood was hit by a truck as he walked to the grocery store where he bought the winning ticket near his home in Elwood, near Indianapolis. He died at a hospital.

That silly law of averages, always doin crazy stuff!!

I am now thoroughly impressed with the last week or two. Good job world, and keep it coming.

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