A profound hatred of man

September 30, 2003

Just saw another one of these “I’m having octuplets!” shows on the telly. It’s always on 60 Minutes or Dateline, some woman who couldn’t conceive at first ends up with 8 children…. wow, that’s great. That must take some strong genes. Mother nature must be aching for more people. Right?

NO, damn it! Please stop having children. 3 more humans are put on this earth every second. If you ever get frustrated with the amount of stupid god damned people you encounter, then that fact alone should make you just a little angry

SO then, infertile housewives given the ability to produce offspring…that’s just a brilliant idea. YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE… well we all know that one. It would be okay if they were guaranteed one child at a time. Maybe even twins. But what happens? These women suddenly balloon up with six to eight babies and become whalish freaks of nature. They’re overcome with joy when they hear that their very own defective bodies could produce not one – but eight beautiful, palm sized rodents. Animal instinct apparently overrides any common sense, the product outweighs any risk: they’ll finally have something all the other couples have. Yaaaay.

There’s a reason these people are infertile. It’s because they weren’t meant to BREED. Shit, who woulda thought?! What with 3 new walking disasters being born every second, I’ll bet mother earth is just BEGGING for more. As if the world’s population wasn’t spinning out of control already, we now have these science fair babies sprouting up all over the place. I just want to slap them and tell them “there’s a reason we don’t have 6 more nipples, you assholes!” I know bitch canines that couldn’t manage 7 a pop, but these women some how convince themselves it’s normal to squeeze 8 of these things out of their vaginas.

Then Barbara Walters comes to document the hardship of living with this litter of children the malfunctioning sperm/eggs have produced and for some insane reason, people feel pity for these poor, poor couples who are now seeking financial aid and millions in donations. Surprise, it’s not easy raising 8 children.

I don’t think I have to explain why any of this is bad. If you haven’t figured out that your fellow man just loves destroying everything good and decent by now, you’re in for a surprise. A sextuplet surprise, an octuplet surprise…. lucky you.

fine example:The Chukwu octuplets

There might be a god

September 29, 2003

And he’s probably Russian. This thing is all over the news and I thought it was kinda neat.

RU-21 is a pill that was created by the Russians in the Cold War era, meant to stop KGB spies from getting drunk… in uh..spy-like situations. I guess part of obtaining information is betting someone you can drink more than them and getting them entirely shitfaced in the process. Had I known the CIA and KGB hired people to hang around bars and drink a lot I would have done some things in my life a little differently.

Anyway, the pill didn’t work, but it did ease hangovers and eliminated some silly toxin that does damage to your organs. Such as the liver. But who gives a shit about that?! The important part is it stops hangovers – which is good for people like you and me who want to drink until we wet ourselves and wake up without all the “physical complications”… things like “help, the bed is spinning” and “I just pissed out of my ass!” Now to make a pill that will restore my dignity. It could happen, damn it.

Aside from that, I think the whole thing is kinda funny. KGB agents trying to preserve communism stumble across a pill that earns profit for us capitlist pigs. Nazdarovya!

It was comforting knowing this guy was out there.
Today I wear black for you, Johnny 😦